As if they were from another planet! teenage girl. Just a moment ago they were still so dear, sweet angels, and suddenly puberty hits without mercy. Just one wrong word from the parents from the teenager’s point of view and the room door slams and their own child doesn’t speak to them for hours or even a few days.
Sighing and nodding, almost all parents of teenage daughters agree with their fellow sufferers: This time is very exhausting, the girls suddenly tick differently. All fathers and mothers know that children sulk when they don’t get what they want. Even experienced parents are amazed at the intensity and endurance during puberty.
Also read: What to do if children don’t follow the rules?
Pout – A powerful weapon
Being sulky on the road to adulthood is a normal reaction for teenage girls. Silence is a powerful weapon and the daughters know how powerful it can be. For them, it’s an effective way to get their point across and one of the few ways they escape what they see as their parents’ clutches. After all, they are otherwise dependent on their mother and father for so many things, be it in matters such as clothing, food or even pocket money and school.
So while teenagers find themselves during puberty, the parent-child relationship is put to the test of patience and has to endure a lot. But it is precisely this process of cutting cords that is an important developmental step for children. And as a parent, you are unintentionally in a position to step back into a role model function. How do I solve difficult problems, how do I deal with criticism, how do I find solutions? Am I willing to compromise?
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What to do?
Of course, parents should always try to talk to sulking girls. Which of course sounds easier than it is done. If the daughter doesn’t want to talk, one-sided preaching won’t help either. Nevertheless, openness to discussion should always be signaled, because this is the only way to solve problems. Like the children, their parents must learn to deal with the new situation. Again and again, parents with teenage experiences report: you shouldn’t take it personally, the children don’t mean it that way! But that’s difficult. It is best for affected mothers and fathers to think back to their teenage years and recall a few of these unclear and confusing feelings. Surely that helps a little.
With a lot of patience and empathy, it often helps to leave the girls alone. They usually find their way back to their parents all by themselves and seek to talk to them. The bone of contention for most teenagers is the rules and related limitations in their lives. Parents who are not willing to talk and who preach more than communicate with rigid views miss the opportunity to explain their perspective to the children. For example: If you don’t say where you’re going, I don’t have a chance to help you if something happens. Then I worry, I’m not feeling well. With a reproach: You never say where you’re going! the conversation does not progress and the situation remains deadlocked. It often helps if parents think a little longer about whether the limits they set are appropriate for their age or whether they are really too strict.
Nevertheless, teenage girls in particular should not be allowed to decide everything for themselves and live through their growing up without limits and rules. Clear rules are also appropriate during the pouting phase and should be demanded. For example: we eat together or do homework first, then free time, etc. Parents who allow their teenage daughters everything to avoid trouble are not necessarily tolerant, but rather lazy and are not doing their daughters any favors. So it often helps to set limits for the children, but not to set them too tightly, so that the girls can develop into independent, responsible adults.
To meet the young women in their bitch terror with love and to have an open ear for them, even if the views should be so exaggerated, naive and infantile, is the art of all parents. The aim is to keep your own door open, even if the child locks theirs. While it is difficult to remain calm in person at this stage of a daughter’s development, it is comforting to know that there is a finite amount of time before teenage girls return to normal and that nearly all parents of daughters through this difficult time.