Family, Family Life, Puberty, Relation and Sexuality

The first girlfriend / The first friend

The first girlfriend / The first friend

The first relationship

Somehow the youngsters have been behaving differently than usual lately. Bashful looks, more phone calls, locking themselves in their own room and chatting on the PC for hours. The mobile phone is in constant use and is bombarded with text messages. Girls stand forever in front of the mirror, try on one wardrobe after the next and still don’t know what to wear. Boys pay more attention to their appearance, style their hair and reach for the razor. And it usually doesn’t take long before the name of the chosen one comes up.


Young people today are much more interested in the opposite sex than they were 10 or 20 years ago. They become sexually mature earlier and experience their first sexual contacts earlier. Through the various media, our children are introduced to the topic of sexuality at an early stage – unfortunately often not very carefully.

On the other hand, feelings such as love, trust and affection are rarely discussed. And so many young people find themselves in a very uncertain phase. Butterflies in the stomach, palpitations and the feeling of simply feeling more for the other than just friendship. But this is not only an unusual time for the adolescents themselves – there are also many questions for the parents as to how to deal with their child in this new situation.


How should parents deal with their children’s first relationship?

Very important: be available to talk to your child at any time. Even if it doesn’t seem like your offspring will be ready when they first fall in love, over time most kids are happy when they have someone who cushions their insecurities and in whom they can confide. But don’t force your child into conversations and don’t constantly annoy them with questions about the fledgling relationship. A very cautious approach is much better than forced closeness and offers the young person the opportunity to seek a trusting conversation. First love is always a big step towards independence and cutting cords from your own family. Even if you’ve shared everything else with your child, accept that things may be different now. That your child now has a little world of its own and that it will gradually try to take control of its own life. The first infatuation is an important point on this path.

When your child falls in love for the first time, they experience that they want to spend a lot of time with the other person. Experience has shown that parents give the young couple the opportunity to meet at home. Be open with your boyfriend/girlfriend and give the adolescent time to themselves. But that doesn’t mean that they should allow overnight stays together in the first phase of falling in love. So there is certainly more time and you as parents decide when you think this step is right. Not alone, of course, but together with your child. In this context, an open discussion about sexuality and contraceptive options is also a good idea .

It is understandable that young lovers want to spend every minute together if possible. Nevertheless, as a parent, you should make sure that your child does not neglect school or vocational training. Family obligations, such as caring for pets or agreed household chores, must not be forgotten either.

Separation from first girlfriend/boyfriend

As quickly as the first love usually flares up, it is usually over just as quickly. At this age, few relationships are made to last. Adolescents realize that their own ideas about love are not the same as the other person’s. Mistakes are made on both sides and in the end the still young love breaks up. What is quite tragic at first glance and almost breaks the young person’s heart, nevertheless proves to be an important learning experience. The adolescents no longer approach the following relationships in such a “transfigured” way and already know more precisely which qualities of the other and which qualities of themselves are essential for being together.

Does your child suffer from lovesickness?, then it can be really sick. Not only the heart hurts, but also physical complaints such as abdominal pain or headaches can occur. During this time, be particularly sensitive to your child and remain willing to talk. But also accept if your child just wants to crawl into his room alone. And very important: save yourself well-intentioned advice, along the lines of: “I told you right away that….” Nobody can use such sentences, and on top of that they are not helpful. On the contrary – they hurt the child even more than it already is because of the lost love. Maybe it will help your child if you tell them about your first love.

The first relationship is an exciting time for both children and parents. With the above tips you will get through this phase better and your offspring will continue to experience you as trusting parents who always have an open ear for their child if necessary.


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