Family, Parenting, Relationship Guide

separation of parents

separation of parents

What are the consequences of a divorce for the child?

There are many different types of relationships these days. A freedom that had to be fought for hard, but that doesn’t just bring convenience. Counselors roll over themselves with legions of sometimes contradicting tips on how to deal with children in the event of separation. Even in legal terms, there is not always agreement. But basically you only need common sense to act as much as possible in the green area. Largely because parental separation is never a good thing for children (exceptions are sometimes extreme cases such as domestic violence, etc.). It is usually the first major break in a child’s ideal world. For the first time, they get to know the process of mourning. Also read: Child-friendly culture of debate .

Parents Divorce – Switch levels between ex-couple and parents

Both partners must inevitably switch to the parental level, regardless of the reason for the separation. You never separate because you love each other so much, but because you want or have to go your separate ways. Whether you like it or not, at least one common interest remains, the child.

From a child’s point of view, neither mom nor dad are stupid, to put it very simply. Nobody wants parents who are stupid. So it is self-explanatory to denigrate the other parent. In the long term, such behavior by parents usually turns into a boomerang against themselves anyway. Regardless of this, parents make parenting work more difficult because the child does exactly what it would do if the parents were still together but just as divided: It plays the parents against each other.

The ex-couple should take care of their own affairs in the absence of the child and, as parents who are interested in the well-being of their child, allow them some peace and quiet, set up fixed pick-up or visiting times temporarily, during which only organizational matters related to the child’s well-being are initially regulated. It is explained to the child, appropriate to their age, that the parents no longer understand each other, but that mum/dad will always be there for them so that nothing changes.
Also read: Sole Custody


There is only one mother and one father in a person’s life

Depending on the developmental stage of the child, this procedure is also recommended if new partners were the trigger for the separation. In this regard, it should be said: the child must be granted a breathing space after such a severe intervention in its usual life, and new partners should only be introduced when enough time has passed. And something else is important in this case: every child has only one mother and one father. As sweet and nice as mom’s new partner is, he has a first name that you can call him by. If he – unfortunately there are cases like this – is a better father than the biological one, the child should never call him by the same daddy-dad-dad name as the father who is no longer around.

Consequences for the child – competitive behavior and money

The most common point of contention for ex-partners regarding the child is money. The basic rule here is: never argue in front of the child. If the father picks up the child in the event of a violation of the maintenance obligation, the child’s mother waves to them in a friendly manner, takes her coat and consults a lawyer or the youth welfare office .

Another point of contention is often that the mother, with whom the child usually stays, takes care of everyday life and the father presents the child with large and many presents. This usually happens over time, and at the same time the potential for frustration increases, especially for the mother. A meeting on neutral ground, without a child, is appropriate here, at which a possible new visitation arrangement should be discussed. Perhaps the father misses his child, whom he used to have around him every day, and tries to compensate with large gifts without wishing the mother any harm.

A competition only harms the child. It is clear that both mother and father play their respective important roles in the child’s life. A mother cannot replace a father, nor can a father replace a mother. So neither is better or worse than the other.

It is actually important that both parents, despite all the understandable emotional anger, learn to see their ex-partner as the good mother/father of their child and for this purpose train a switching mechanism in their brain that they activate when necessary be able. Incidentally, this purely factual process is often the basis for ex-partners actually dealing well with each other in the long term.
Also read our article on the subject of child support


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