If scraps often fly in a relationship, this does not mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. On the contrary: A healthy culture of debate forms a solid foundation for a stable partnership. However, couples often no longer know how to argue constructively without insulting or disrespecting one another. More about solving partnership problems
Tips on the topic of disputes in the partnership
Living permanently “A happily ever after” in a partnership can be very exhausting. Only rarely have couples gotten so involved with each other and attuned to each other’s feelings that these synergies simply avoid arguments. Partnerships in which there is almost never a fight often indicate resignation and boredom rather than harmony. The argument simply serves to express one’s feelings and needs and to break up conflicts. But the culture of debate was lost to many people in childhood. We learn from a young age that there is something negative about arguments. Only a few have mastered the “art of arguing”.
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Common reasons for a quarrel
- raising children
- Distribution of tasks in the household
- disagreements with the family
- Few joint ventures
- Boring love life
Emotions and objectivity must not be mutually exclusive
When emotions boil over, most people naturally find it difficult to reason objectively and constructively. A good argument in a relationship depends on not insulting or constantly blaming your life partner. A dispute in the relationship always gets out of hand when one or both of the partners in the conversation show disrespect, dig up past mistakes or forgiveness does not come about after the quarrel. Choosing your words wisely – even in the heat of the moment – prevents emotional injury.
Couples must show willingness to compromise
Happy couples fight no less than sad couples. However, they are mostly good at making compromises. If a partner always gives in or even withdraws completely, the balance of the relationship is upset. Or if one of the life partners argues so dominantly that he only insults or personally attacks the other, something is permanently standing in the way of the relationship. Psychologists see the compromise as a valuable basis for a healthy culture of debate. Getting involved and making concessions strengthens the partnership. Even with different points of view, it is helpful to change perspective and put yourself in the other person’s position. More about compromises in the partnership
An argument takes time, but not too long
Bickering between door and hinge makes a constructive argument almost impossible. Ideally, a dispute between relationship partners should take place privately in a quiet minute. Especially in front of the children, the quarrel should not be played out. If the participants actually exchange arguments and show understanding for the opinion of the other person, nothing stands in the way of conciliatory hours. Carrying out the argument for many days, not evaluating it and not drawing the final conclusion from it, puts a heavy strain on the partnership. The important thing is to finish the discussion and forgive each other. In a healthy culture of argument, it’s okay to get loud during the verbal battle, that’ll keep the relationship going. However, if one of the two partners does not master the argument, Couples counseling with a neutral mediator can be very helpful. Fair arguments can indeed be learned.
Conclusion: A dispute in no way harms the relationship, it can even strengthen it. As long as the dispute is constructive, without insults and with respect for the interlocutor, a satisfactory result can be found for both parties.