Problem area in-laws!? Ohana Felicity

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Tips for living with in-laws

Thank God you can and are allowed to choose your partner for life yourself, but you get the in-laws “as a gift”. Some claim to get along very well with them, to do a lot together, to go on vacation together or even to live in the same household. But at least as many report on the “problem area in-laws”. Just the word “parents-in-law” triggers negative associations in some people. Why is being together often so difficult and how can the relationship be harmonious?

Shared household especially advantageous financially

There are hardly any parents who wouldn’t want their children to stay in their nest for the rest of their lives and take care of them when they get old. But whether living together in a shared household is really an advantage or whether there are arguments and generational conflicts are pre-programmed is a contentious issue. From a financial point of view, living in the same household as your parents is guaranteed to save you a lot of money. Owning your own apartment or even your own house involves far greater expenses. However, it is best to decide together with your partner whether this saving will also outweigh the decision about a possible independent life. Only when both agree on the future living situation can the beginning of a happy life together be created.

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battle of the generations

Large families are hard to find in German-speaking countries. There are more tiny households than ever before (and not just because of the large number of single people). Where different generations live together, the wishes and needs of others have to be taken into account, which often turns out to be difficult. Parents usually mean it all too well when they tell us about their experiences and often point out our mistakes quite rudely. A major point of contention is the upbringing of children and baby care. They only want the best for their children and grandchildren. In turn, their children usually find it difficult to accept that they encounter displeasure with their instructive and often intrusive manner and always seem to know everything better.

Of course, parents often want to prevent their offspring from making the same mistakes that they made themselves. But you learn best from mistakes. Grandparents often tend to spoil their grandchildren against their parents’ will. But disputes should never be settled at the expense of the children. They should learn that what is allowed at Grandma and Grandpa may not be allowed to be done at home. Dealing with different generations is also very important for the development of a child.

acceptance and willingness to compromise

If you decide to share a household with your parents-in-law, there must be suitable retreat options for everyone. In addition, it is definitely an advantage to create privacy in advance that is taboo for the other generation.

Tips for getting along well with your in-laws or they with them are factual communication and showing boundaries, understanding for the other behavior, clear agreements, the willingness to make compromises and avoiding frontal attacks. In order not to get caught between the fronts, it is particularly important to stick together with your partner and to agree with each other. Only together you are strong!

Are we selfish if we create our own kingdom and don’t want to sit in the nest we’ve made? Hardly, because you are an adult and it is time to finally separate from the umbilical cord and lead an independent life.