Learning a respectful culture of conflict in family and partnership Ohana Felicity

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Child-friendly culture of debate

“Will it harm our child if we argue with each other in his presence” – that is probably one of the biggest insecurities of parents. First of all, the reason for the dispute is important. It is a truism that one indicator of good relationships is overcoming problems together. And there are problems everywhere. But a respectful culture of debate in the family is of course important!

What is a child-friendly culture of debate in the family?

A good orientation could initially be: What are child-friendly topics? Answer: Purchasing, for example. For example, you agree on what who wants to eat or drink at the weekend. Of course, opinions will clash. This is an argument in which the child can take part, participate. In addition to the individual volume of the respective household, there are only the rules that normal speech prevails without insults and the like. Very important: It doesn’t matter which position the child takes. Acting grumpy in a funny way is not only a way for the “inferior” parent to keep the family peace, practice not taking yourself so seriously… – the most important thing is the child convey the feeling that it is still loved. Sounds banal, but in everyday life it is not that easy. When it comes to a “child-friendly culture of debate”, simple rules should be agreed upon: depending on the child’s personal level of maturity, we recommend a “starting age” of two or three years.

Respectful culture of debate in the partnership

Furthermore, relationship problems between the parents, but also among relatives or friends, should not be discussed in front of or with the child. Children can learn a lot from a good culture of debate in a partnership! If they happen to have noticed some discord, for example at a family celebration, it is more appropriate to limit yourself to general statements such as: “Yes, aunt X and uncle Y don’t get along very well at the moment…” A distraction solves the situation completely to: “It’s like you and your friend Z in kindergarten—” And of course that applies first and foremost to the parents themselves when the house blessing is just crooked. In the event of major conflicts – relationship problems or existential fears due to financial difficulties – the parents use the opportunity to solve the problem if the child stays somewhere else. Children are in a constant learning state. The functioning of decision-making also needs to be learned. It is important to note that there are only discussions beyond the existing rules. Everyone has to clean up their stuff, including the child. Here, the favorite plush toy is screaming to become the parents’ ally, according to the motto: “Teddy doesn’t feel comfortable in your room anymore either. Come on, let’s tidy it up, it won’t take long.” And every thing goes in a fixed place, so that The functioning of decision-making also needs to be learned. It is important to note that there are only discussions beyond the existing rules. Everyone has to clean up their stuff, including the child. Here, the favorite plush toy is screaming to become the parents’ ally, according to the motto: “Teddy doesn’t feel comfortable in your room anymore either. Come on, let’s tidy it up, it won’t take long.” And every thing goes in a fixed place, so that The functioning of decision-making also needs to be learned. It is important to note that there are only discussions beyond the existing rules. Everyone has to clean up their stuff, including the child. Here, the favorite plush toy is screaming to become the parents’ ally, according to the motto: “Teddy doesn’t feel comfortable in your room anymore either. Come on, let’s tidy it up, it won’t take long.” And every thing goes in a fixed place, so thatThe process of tidying up can be automated and is really quick, the more often you do it… The same applies to integrating it into general housework . The key to everything in a child’s world is “fun”.

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Learning a culture of conflict in the family – for the children too!

In short, parents should be clear about the values they want to pass on to their children. Imagination and empathy are required here. The parent’s job is to help the child grow into an adult life that will face challenges. There is no life without a fight, it only matters how you deal with it. This also means making mistakes and being able to forgive yourself and others. However, mistakes only become a stumbling block if you have not learned how to deal with them. Therefore: arguing is something emotional. Despite all the lofty intentions, something sometimes goes wrong in the heat of the moment, including when dealing with children. The only decisive factor is that the child is taken care of by its parents. It will not learn to sincerely apologize for its own missteps, if they haven’t learned it at home. The culture of debate between and with children is a challenge for parents and children because it is simply the job of parents to convey values and rules. It is in the nature of things that children are on the opposite side and have their own job: to find and define their individual boundaries. Both positions are good and important for everyone involved. Conflict is therefore unavoidable because it is pre-programmed. With a respectful culture of disputes in the family or in a partnership, disputes can also be good! that children are on the opposite side and have their own job: to find and set their individual boundaries. Both positions are good and important for everyone involved. Conflict is therefore unavoidable because it is pre-programmed. With a respectful culture of disputes in the family or in a partnership, disputes can also be good! that children are on the opposite side and have their own job: to find and set their individual boundaries. Both positions are good and important for everyone involved. Conflict is therefore unavoidable because it is pre-programmed. With a respectful culture of disputes in the family or in a partnership, disputes can also be good!