Family, Family Life, Relation and Sexuality, Relationship Guide



Jealous – the best precaution is enough self-confidence

You know yourself that it is most likely an illusion. And yet: the fantasies run away with you and the feelings ride a roller coaster at the thought that your partner might be with someone else. You feel helpless and extremely hurt in this moment. How can he or she do this to me? What have I done to deserve this? Am I not good enough?
Jealousy triggers emotions in us that we don’t think we can control. All of a sudden you start doing things that you despise. The partner’s personal belongings are checked, a look at the mobile phone: are there telltale text messages or pictures on it? Is the famous lipstick on your collar or does your partner suddenly smell of a different scent. The more insecure you become about your partner’s loyalty, the less rational you act. You might even end up chasing your partner to find out what moves you and to gain certainty. Or you suddenly interpret a flirt into harmless conversations between your partner and others.

am i jealous

In most cases, jealousy is unfounded because the partner is faithful. But self-doubt and insecurity usually drive jealousy – not really the partner.

The opinion of others moves you and influences our actions too much in case of jealousy. It’s the fear of being alone. Suddenly single again?! How much have I invested in the relationship? The fear of losing your partner becomes overwhelming. The partner does not even have to be sexually cheating. An emotional intimacy between your partner and someone that you claim as a monopoly also makes you jealous quickly. Why doesn’t he or she confide in me? Also read: Infidelity – Does the relationship survive that?

Certainly, however, there is also justified jealousy. The partners are not faithful in all relationships, this would simply be window dressing. Nevertheless, the constant doubts about the partner wear the relationship down. If there is a suspicion, it should be discussed openly. If your partner denies it and protests your innocence, you should trust him. If the suspicion remains, there will quickly be a crisis in the relationship or marriage. The constant uncertainty accompanies you throughout the day. If, on the other hand, the partner admits to having been unfaithful, one only has to consider whether the relationship has a chance of continuing to function on this basis.


Fight Jealousy

Every partnership probably needs a certain amount of jealousy. It shows us that we have grown fond of something and don’t want to lose it – it is important to us! If jealousy becomes too strong, it becomes pathological. The partner no longer feels comfortable in the relationship. Those affected know themselves that their behavior is abnormal – but feel powerless at their mercy.

Nevertheless, there is help. A few simple rules help to direct jealousy into normal areas or even to lose it. First of all, anyone who gets carried away by their imagination should quickly drop these thoughts: “Wait: you’re just imagining it. This is pure imagination. Keep calm.” A little distraction never hurts. Leisure time does not always have to be spent with your partner. Own hobbies and leisure activities strengthen self-confidence and do not keep us constantly thinking about something specific. Having your own hobbies really means having fun and enjoying something without your partner. In addition, it is imperative to keep in mind that jealousy is only a fantasy. It doesn’t have to be real. It only comes from your own distrust. Everyone should keep telling themselves: I am a lovable person, my partner stands by me and loves me. There is no one he or she thinks is better, more attractive, or more intelligent than me that he or she would rather be with. If all self-therapies no longer help and the jealousy becomes pathological, going to a therapist or a self-help group can help. Sometimes you need outside help.

Jealousy accompanies us throughout our lives. It doesn’t matter whether you are jealous of the new child in the family as an older sibling ( jealousy among siblings ) or whether your partner flirts with someone later. We intuitively claim ownership of the things and people that are important to us. The only question is how well we can assess and control these feelings.