Love is often finite
We have boyfriends, flings, flirtations and one-night stands, but most of all we have hope. At some point a relationship follows, we marry and divorce again. Everything starts all over again until we eventually start the next relationship.
So no matter how romantic and idealistic your ideas are:
Think carefully about whether you can also imagine your partner as the father of your child. You never know beforehand what kind of father he will become.
Even the greatest man can let you down on the parenting level.
Of course, you also do not know what kind of mother you will be.
Nevertheless, a man who is reliable, responsible and able to compromise has good prerequisites.
You can separate from your partner, but in the worst case you will have to deal with the father of your child for the rest of your life.
And if it lasts your whole life? Congratulations!
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The compatibility myth
Women can go to work, be a good housewife, nurture their partnership, meet friends on the weekends, take care of a child and still look
look incredibly good. In theory.
Practically, if you want to breastfeed your baby, you usually stay at home for the time being. You need to be able to put your career on hold for a while. If you want to have a career at the same time, you need a babysitter, a family that supports you unconditionally, or a husband who will take care of your child.
It is best not to have too many expectations of yourself, with a child there are always things that fall by the wayside.
Having children means setting priorities.
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Myth versus reality
Motherhood is everything, but not like in a Pampers commercial, with the child laughing in bed every morning. Nor does being a mother make you happy per se.
Children are no guarantee of happiness.
The fact is, no one is born a mother. So, like your child, you have to learn everything yourself first. How to hold a baby, how to change diapers, even how to breastfeed must be learned. Motherhood is not just love, it is a struggle that begins anew every day.
A struggle to be consistent, even though it would be so much easier to just give in.
One by having to withstand the stares and comments of strangers. There’s no pause for transmission unless your child is asleep.
Are you emotionally ready for a child?
You can ask yourself whether you are more of a family person or a carrie person and what children move in you.
Do they trigger an unfulfilled longing in you and if so, why?
If you look enviously at every baby bump, the view into a baby carriage enraptures you and you would like to take the screaming child in the streetcar in your arms, then you are possibly emotionally ready for offspring.
Will you be a good mother?
In fact, no one can answer this question for you. What kind of mother you will actually be, you can only know when you already are.
You should not conclude from your single self to your mommy self.
There are many wild party people who have suddenly mutated into full-time mothers and couldn’t be happier.
But the opposite also exists, except that people are reluctant to talk about it publicly. Perhaps the better question is whether you want to be a mother in principle.
That is, not because your biological clock is ticking, or because your boyfriend or family expect it of you. After all, the decision to have a child is the biggest decision you can make in your life.
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Time is relative
Before the birth of my child, I was my own boss. Get up in the morning, take a shower, have breakfast or just coffee, be on the road, go to the cafeteria after class, meet friends, make plans, and go to a concert, bar, or club in between.
We stayed as long as we wanted, then went home, a quick bite to eat, Netflix on, and out again in the morning. Relaxing and socializing on the weekends.
My life as a mom: up at 6:30am if I didn’t oversleep because I couldn’t sleep, my kid was awake. While child is still asleep, shower, get dressed, get as much done as possible.
Wake child, dress child under protest, daycare, hurry to work, but late again. I call for a minicar.
Nothing with lunch – pick up child from daycare, home, protest again, make dinner, playground, put child to bed, then resolve to finally do something for myself again tonight.
Fall asleep at nine o’clock in the evening on a Friday.
There are many beautiful moments that will reward you for their efforts. Nevertheless, you must be ready to make sacrifices. Your future child will take you out of your job for a while, bite your nipples when you nurse, and wake up just when you want to sleep. Of course, anyone who is toying with the idea of having a baby knows that a lot will change, but do you feel ready to give up your spontaneity and regular girls’ nights out? And willingly?
What you get in return? Love, of course.
There is really no one in the world who will be as happy to see you as her child. The fact is, the pros and cons of being a mom vary depending on whether you’re changing diapers in your 20s, 30s or 40s.
Listen to both your head and your heart, because there is no right time anyway.
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