How do you introduce your new partner to the children?
When single mothers and fathers want to start a new partnership, they face a problem that they all have in common: how and when do I introduce my new partner to the children?
The children have an important say when mum or dad reconnects. They do it without strategy, without calculation and without consideration. It couldn’t be more honest. They express their opinions through their behavior or actions, unconsciously and above all without malicious intent. Even if it might look like it when children behave rudely or even aggressively towards their new partner. It comes from the gut and these are known to be the most honest expressions of feelings.
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When is the right time?
One is now faced with the question of whether one should introduce a new friend to the children as early as possible, or whether one should wait until one is sure where the path with the new one should lead. If you wait too long, the complications will only escalate if the kids don’t agree. Then mom or dad would actually have to decide between the new love or the children. Because there will be no love without constant trouble with the offspring. This would clearly speak in favor of introducing a new love immediately at home, before anything committed materializes. Where this leads is clear. Outgoing singles then bring someone else home each week, confusing the kids. When parents separate, children have more worries anyway, than adults can imagine. Most children see a new partner as the final end of their parents’ marriage and reject them for that reason alone. But even if mum or dad are single and the children have never met the typical father-mother-child constellation, they often react extremely jealously to a partner of the mother or father.
What should you consider?
In order to still be able to get the children to agree with the new one, you need a lot of sensitivity. The older the children are, the easier the task becomes, because the chances of a sensible conversation are good. With smaller children, you have to rely entirely on the feeling for the right moment and on the fact that the spark between the children and the new partner jumps over. If you bring home the contender for the first place in your heart relatively early on, you should be careful to make the relationship appear as purely friendly. This makes it possible to get to know each other on the most uncomplicated and non-binding level possible. If the new love doesn’t work out after all, you don’t have to explain anything to the children. If something develops the kids get it anyway. In general, open cards are not only necessary between the new partners from the start, but also for the relationship with the children. If you pretend a platonic friendship for too long, the children don’t feel taken seriously enough when the family friend is suddenly supposed to become the new dad.
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