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Mother-daughter relationship: This is how a strong team is formed

It is probably the most complex and at the same time most complicated relationship that can connect two women: The mother-daughter relationship includes a wide range of feelings of a negative and positive nature. It is therefore not always easy to maintain harmony and calm. Nevertheless, it can be possible to create a long-term stable relationship from which mother and daughter benefit.

The importance of the relationship between mother and daughter

A mother is many things for her daughter: in the course of life, she is both a need fulfiller and a heroine, as well as a limit marker and worst enemy. All these roles are important and valuable, because girls learn a lot about life from their mothers. It starts with a good breastfeeding relationship. The stability and warmth of the relationship between mother and daughter has a significant influence on how much the daughter can accept, accept and love herself later in life. Even in difficult times, mothers convey a feeling of stability and security that should not be underestimated. It is easier for girls to find their way around their own role as a woman and perhaps also as a mother later on if they have been able to develop a good relationship with their mother. Difficulties in bonding and forming relationships often show up with late consequences such as the inability to relate, a lack of empathy or self-esteem problems.

Common problems between mother and daughter

The mother-daughter relationship throughout life

Children experience contact with their own mother even before the first day of their lives. Even immediately after the birth, the mother remains a close reference person for her child, who fulfills essential needs and gives closeness. (The bonding is very important here.) When the daughter gets a little older, mom remains the most important contact person. Little girls identify with her, they want to be like her one day and it is only during the defiant phase that there are minor or major conflicts. Young mothers are usually more able to empathize with their daughters and understand them than late mothers .

This changes from kindergarten age, because in the phase that Sigmund Freud called the oedipal phase, girls turn away from their mothers for the first time and usually turn to their fathers. Mom is experienced as a competitor who has to be pushed aside as far as possible in the fight for Dad’s favour. This phase is often a challenge for mothers, because the contrast between life with ” mama baby ” and the sudden change to “daddy’s darling” is often associated with hurt feelings. But the father-daughter relationship is also very important.

After the oedipal phase, mother and daughter can again enjoy a quieter time. However, the rest ends with puberty . Now daughters usually really rebel against their mothers, want to set themselves apart and experience as much distance as possible. As hurtful and irritating as this can be for a mother, it is just as important for the daughter. She is now striving to develop her own personality and needs detachment for this. Especially in this stressful time, it is important for mothers to take a break .at opportunity to experience a relationship that can provide support for the rest of their lives. Ideally, the foundations for this have already been laid in the previous years and now, after an often eventful time, both can enjoy life as equal partners.

Topics where mothers are often good contacts for their daughters

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Tips for a strong cooperation

In order for your mother-daughter relationship to grow and thrive, mothers should follow the tips below:

In contact with the daughter, openness regarding one’s own feelings is important. If mom pretends and doesn’t show up, daughters often develop a lot of insecurity when dealing with other people and lose trust in their own intuition.
Giving praise and showing appreciation is important. This creates a stable self-esteem in the daughter.
Detachment and rejection are not to be confused with a lack of love. On the contrary: friction creates warmth and children and teenagers rub against people who are particularly important to them. They don’t admit it, of course, but being a sparring partner for a young woman in puberty can be seen as a distinction and comes with the responsibility of neither being offended nor giving up quickly.
Things don’t always have to be discussed. It can be much nicer to enjoy activities together, to go to the cinema or the swimming pool and to plan “girl days”. Especially during puberty, this can relieve the tense relationship considerably.
Mothers shouldn’t decide everything, but seek dialogue with older daughters in particular. Otherwise, they could block the development of sound decision-making skills.
Frequent criticism can severely damage a daughter’s self-esteem. Of course, criticism should not be completely avoided, but it should be communicated in an appropriate and constructive manner.
Setting boundaries is essential! Boundaries provide support and security, even if daughters rebel against them. A mother who sets boundaries and enforces them will signal even to a rebellious teenager, “I’ll catch you!”
Girls are not decals, they are individuals in their own right. If mom encourages this uniqueness, a strong relationship develops. However, if she wants to shape her daughter according to her ideas, this can damage the bond and also affect the daughter’s psyche.